I just passed my 90 day CT scan. Now I go back in 6 months. This is a good sign and I hope to continue to be cancer free. Now the paps and ct scans will be every 6 months for awhile.

Today I went to the Doctors and got the word that I am clear of Cancer! Wow it was good to hear those words. I will still have follow up appointments to make sure I stay cancer free. It has been a long hard road. I now can start to recover financialy as well as emotionaly. My family can to. Cancer for us was a family illness and it has taken a toll. The relief in my husbands voice, and the look on his face brought tears to my eyes. I am anxious about returning to work. I am a little scared about this . I hope I do well and can pick up the job again. Wish me luck! 

 It looks like I am slowly getting done with all of this. I am not 100% sure yet. But I have my ct-scan with cancer markers this week. I hope it will show that I am cancer free. I have my fingers crossed...lol

I thought I was getting to the end of all of this. I guess you could say I was naive. I went to the Doctors for what they told me was a routine check up. Well next thing I know I am getting a call telling me I have questionable cells on my PAP. My heart dropped! These were the same words I heard from the Doctor when they told me I had cancer. Does this mean its back, never went away even after 6 months of chemo. Or  because of the radiation the cells look changed. What! Now I have to get another PAP , and other tests. I am how can I say this, I am greatful to have the Doctors looking at this so close. Getting the tests that I need. But I wanted to be done. They the Doctors told me oh you are going to be over with this. All of this is just precautionary, we think you will have a full recovery and so on. I would rather they have said stright out. We are doing our best but there is no guarentee. I knew that there could be a chance of that, But why did they have to get my hopes up. This still could come out good. I am scared. I guess this is the best way to let people know just how I feel. I understand that all of us going through this feels this way. I often wonder if there is more for me to learn from all of this. If so I hope to do that, and be able to move on.

 I am getting to the end of all of this. This isnt to mention that I will not have the check ups I will need. It means the radiation and chemotherapy is over, I hope. I still have to have a cat scan with cancer markers and a colonoscopy. I hope that these tests will come back clear. In the back of my mind is when this all started all the doctors kept telling me no you dont have cancer, we will just give you these hormones and all will be fine. This did not happen. I had cancer. Deep down I knew I had cancer. I had to push to get the tests I needed to prove this. I feel lucky. It is a strange feeling in your gut that tells you over and over something is wrong. The persistence of this voice deep inside drives you on until you  get the help you know you need. Now I am a little gun shy. I dont want to make a mistake by not being careful, but I also do not want to be over protective that I worry myself to much. I want to get back to work and a more normal life. Thats not to say I also want to do what is best for my body. Give myself time to heal , but also want to make sure I still have a job to live. It is a wonder that we have to think of all of this while going through cancer and all that goes with this. I just hope I make the right choices for me and my family. After all thats all we can do.