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mother over 18




Last post 03-04-2008 9:57 PM by spookml. 2 replies.
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02-28-2008 12:08 AM



Top 500 Contributor
Joined on 02-27-2008
Posts 5

mother over 18

I am the primary caregiver for my mother with ovarian cancer. Many relatives keep mentioning to me that hospice needs considered. I am very aware how close we are to that option as does mother. But she wants to exhaust her medical options, and she has expressed her desire to fight.... so what should be said to others. 1) Mom is the one making her own decision. 2) I am just supporting her. 3) I will support any decision she makes. any thoughts? oh yeh, she is not doing well, over 80, not in excellent health, loosing tremendous amounts of weight, has not started chemo but has had surgery to remove tumor. Struggling to eat and stay hydrated, as complications of recovery from the surgery. thanks

02-29-2008 12:29 AM In reply to



Top 500 Contributor
Joined on 02-27-2008
Posts 6

Re: mother over 18

As a cancer patient myself, one whom the doctors offered no hope of survival because of the severity of it when it was diagnosed, I was inundated by people that felt they knew what was best (or rather easiest) for me.  My own family got angry when I refused to lay down and accept that death was the only option.  One member overstepped his bounds and proceded to try to get me Hospice Home Care despite my protests.  He was told that unless I had accepted death as the inevitable Hospice would not even consider me as a client. 

I had not accepted that death would come within two months, I had no intention of laying down to die and was hurt and felt alone when that was not what everyone else thought would be "best" for me.

Stand by your mother, support her with all your heart, this won't be easy, it is a very emotionally traumatizing thing to bear witness too, much less take part in.  There will be days when you no longer think you can cope with it, there will be days of joy, a certainty that your mother will win the fight.  No one knows exactly what the outcome will be.

Tell your concerned relatives that your Mother is quite capable of making her own decisions about wether or not to undergo treatment and that while their intentions may be the best, they are hurtful to your mother, they serve to further discourage her and leave her feeling unwanted, worthless, a burden.  Unless your mother wishes to discuss the option of Hospice ask them to please not discuss it with her as she is not receptive to it and it only serves to upset her.

Your mother has the right to fight for her life, the decision is hers and having you there to support her and care for her means so much more to her than you will ever realize.  Ask them if they would lay down and die so willingly if they were the patient or would they try to fight!

03-04-2008 9:57 PM In reply to



Top 25 Contributor
Joined on 09-20-2006
Posts 32

Re: mother over 18

Hey My name is Mike I battled cancer for a long time but I have won. I think the surgery to get rid of the tumor was a good move that way the chemo will have less cells to fight. I hope she never gives up . You are doing the right thing by going with what  her wish is. If you can support that either way you are doing the best thing. It is about what she wants. The other person that wrote here I am all for with that way of thinking myself you do not give up. When our time comes and it will we will know it is our time. I hope her the best and you are doing a great job just hang in there because the fight is not pretty . The pain and suffering lets us know we are still here. Oh yes eat eat eat that is force it down if you have to trick yourself even if it does not taste good eat  nibble on pea nuts  lots of protien and it gets rid of the bad taste in your mouth from chemo. keep the weight up that is important. well good luck to you and your mom one day at a time ok   And a little prayer doen't hurt either   bye Mike

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