Dear Barbtordella,
Thank you for your poignant question. I extend my heartfelt empathy to you, your mom, and your dad during this challenging time. I have to say that, in my experience, it is very difficult (and often inappropriate) to try to change a cancer patient’s approach in confronting an adverse prognosis. I don’t know the details of your mom’s cancer, or treatment history, so I obviously can’t comment on her chances of survival -- although you are correct in understanding that Stage IV non-small cell lung cancer is rarely (if ever) cured with Taxol (or other drugs, for that matter). Nonetheless, it is sometimes adaptive for people to focus on hope for a positive outcome, especially if they have confidence in their doctors and are receiving high-quality treatment. For you, my recommendation is to love and support your mom as unconditionally as you can –- even if you disagree with her outlook, coping strategy, or even her treatment choices. The same recommendation applies to your dad, who is undoubtedly dealing with this as best as he can. It is very hard to know why he is “in denial” about your mom’s prognosis. Perhaps he is trying to support her hopes and beliefs. Perhaps he is fearful of losing her. Or perhaps he is simply hoping and praying for a “miracle.” Regardless, it is crucial for you to find the love and support that you need so you can be calm, peaceful, and loving when you communicate with or spend time with your parents. Make sure to take really good care of yourself, and consider talking with a counselor to help you work through these challenging issues if that that would feel supportive for you. I wish you and your parents the best.