The Gift of Cancer
Anyone who has ever personally experienced cancer—either in themselves, a loved one, or a friend—knows that it can be a harrowing, challenging, even horrific experience. However, over time, many people who have had cancer come to speak about "the gifts" that they feel they received through their cancer experience.
The idea of anything about cancer being a "gift" can sound ridiculous or even insulting to some people, especially who have been only recently diagnosed. Although it may take time, and although many people would never use the word "gift," it is amazing how many people with cancer do find their lives enriched in ways they never would have imagined.
The ancient Chinese symbol for "crisis" is a combination of two pictographs, one which means "danger" and the other which means "opportunity." There is great meaning here for people facing cancer, for this circumstance contains both danger and opportunity for inner growth, connection with others, and profound healing.
A crisis of any kind, particularly a diagnosis of cancer, changes a person's perspective on almost everything. The new perspective often involves a much deeper understanding of and commitment to one's most essential self and what is most important in life. This is what people often mean when they speak about the "gift" of cancer.
Each person's "gift" is unique. Cancer may be your opportunity to discover a community of caring, compassionate, and loving people, perhaps including fellow cancer patients, doctors, nurses, technicians, counselors, and other caregivers, not to mention dear friends. It may also lead to a richer and more loving relationship with your partner or children.
In whatever form it takes, the resounding grace of loving relationships impacts the very essence of the human spirit. You may feel totally unprepared for the unconditional love that comes pouring forth from members of your healing community. If your own natural support system is less than you need, reach out to a cancer support group. Many people with cancer consider their support group one of the great "gifts" they have received through their illness—the deep and meaningful connection with other people who are struggling through similar issues, sharing not only their grief and pain, but also their wisdom, laughter, joy, and hope.
Your journey to these remarkable resources requires no suitcase or ticket. The only prerequisite is an openness of spirit—an attitude that seeks to find blessings, even in adversity. Prepare to be filled with hope, faith, and inner joy. Being in the present moment, feeling grateful for whatever you can, and remembering your spiritual essence, can totally transform your cancer experience and your life itself. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up and talk with trusted others about your experience.
Regardless of your prognosis, there is reason for hope, even if it no longer applies to this earthly world. It is always helpful to draw upon your strengths, such as your personal faith, confidence in your doctors and your medical treatment plan, gratitude for your loved ones and the life you've lived—and whatever else you have experienced in your unique and special way.
Checking in with yourself about the purpose of your life and your most important goals is especially important now. What have you always longed to do, but haven't? What old friends have you been meaning to see or communicate with, but haven't? What relationships would you like to strengthen or repair? Take advantage of this opportunity to live your life as if every day is a treasured opportunity.
Want to act a little crazy? Want to do something out of character? Want to pursue a long lost dream? If you needed permission to pursue your dreams, the gift of cancer gives you permission. It's OK and even healthy to think about yourself, your goals, needs, desires, and intentions and you may be amazed at how eager people are to help.
Even if logistic or practical concerns prevent you from indulging every whim to its fullest, allow yourself to consider the possibilities. Dreams frequently have a way of changing reality for the better. Readjust your life as you feel you are able to. Make some meaningful and specific plans for the future and enjoy looking forward to things to come. Even if your future is very uncertain, there is always today. Although cancer is never something one would chose, and there may be many difficult moments along the way, there is always an opportunity to see the positive aspects of every moment.
Here are some questions you might ask yourself. Am I cherishing each moment of my life and everyone who loves me? What fills me with wonder and awe, like a magnificent sunrise or sunset? Am I savoring the physical joys of life, like the warmth of sunlight on my face or the coolness of wind brushing my skin? Shall I take some time to simply watch the stars sparkle or watch the floating panorama of clouds? Simply allowing yourself time to commune with nature can help replenish you and fill your spirit with wonder, gratitude, and peace.
Mindful meditation can be very relaxing and even help lower your blood pressure and provide other health benefits. Simply focusing on your breath for a few minutes a day and breathing deeply can be very healing. As you are breathing, you can simultaneously repeat a simple prayer or phrase, such as: "Inhale peace, exhale worry"—"Breathe in hope, breathe out fear"—"Inhale health, exhale stress." Meditation and breathing exercises such as these can give you new tools for coping with everyday stress that you might never have known to exist.
Now may be a time that you learn how much you are truly loved and cherished. Fully experience and receive the outpouring of affection and respect that others might offer. Let yourself discover how many people truly love and admire you. Harness the energy of those loving thoughts that surround you—both near and far. Embrace this affection as an integral part of your healing.
Be open to the love that is everywhere, waiting to be tapped. Tell those close to you how much you love them. Chances are they need to hear those words as much as you need to say them. Express your feelings freely and with no apologies. If someone disappoints you, don't let it throw you off but use it to become clearer about your path of self-discovery and healing. New friends will emerge if you grant permission.
On a practical side, learn to be an excellent manager. Delegate as much as you can to others. Let them help out with managing your appointments, your home, and your daily needs so you can focus on healing. What complications of your life can you release to someone else? Accepting assistance is not a sign of weakness, but rather of strength, in that you know who you are, and what you need. In accepting offers of help, you are giving to the giver as much as he or she is to you.
You may find that cancer brings a new awareness of your body: its strengths and weaknesses. Fluctuating energy reserves can be handled by thinking of your energy level as a bank account. Very likely, more than ever before in your life, you will need to replace with rest what you withdraw from activity—or you will soon be overdrawn! Pace yourself and give yourself permission to cancel appointments and do whatever it takes to get enough rest.