Handling Cancer Treatment as a Single Person
Single people, especially if they live alone, may feel even more overwhelmed than others by the daunting effort of coping with cancer and its treatment. Single people may have to work harder to find support than those who are married or in long-term relationships. But many are surprised at how friends, relatives, co-workers, and even acquaintances rise to the occasion and rally to create a care circle around them during a health crisis. Everyone has been single at some time, and we all recognize the importance of support and connection with others in times of need.
People may be single by choice, or by chance, or by life circumstance, such as divorce or the death of a spouse or partner, and each person's experience is unique. For everyone, however, a serious illness brings a wide range of challenges and concerns, many of which are universal. For example, when you need someone to help you get to a medical appointment, or talk with about treatment choices, who might be able to help? With whom can you share a hug, a backrub, or a laugh when you need it? Who can you call on days when you might feel too sick to get out of bed or to care for yourself?
One way to nurture yourself is to build a strong social network of support. Perhaps some of your family or friends are nearby and want to help. Consider calling a group together in a healing circle to create a "circle of care" that will surround you during your treatment. Talk with friends, or family or church community members about your specific concerns and what help you might need. For example, if you'd like company during treatment sessions, they can form a team of people who'll take turns going with you. They might find one person who can be your "note taker" and memory helper during medical visits and someone else who will organize food being brought to your house. It is often amazing how much people want to help, if given the chance.
Sometimes certain relatives and close friends may seem to withdraw emotionally. It is OK to find new sources of social support by reaching out to others you know, acquaintances with whom you've shared interests, or volunteers who have experienced cancer themselves. You may find that you develop new buddies in the treatment center waiting room or among neighbors or co-workers you hardly knew before your diagnosis. If you have a spiritual or religious community of any kind, they will often have a meaningful way of responding to someone in need. If you don't already have a connection to a church, temple, or religious community, remember that most such communities also welcome new members enthusiastically.
Plan for any care and assistance you might need—everything from dog walking and yard work, to home nursing help and child care—even if you have never had to use such services before. Find out how to order groceries online or by phone for delivery. Ask a friend to manage your helpers during times when you might be feeling unwell. If you need help financially, don't be afraid to ask people to reduce fees or offer their services for free. Some cancer centers have contacts with massage therapists, personal assistants, and others who provide reduced cost or free services to cancer patients.
It might take a little exploring to find a support group that fits your style, and where you feel safe and comfortable talking about personal matters. You may want to visit a few before choosing one that's right for you. Some are designed so members receive support both during group sessions and in their daily lives. That type of group might be especially helpful for single people. Cancer organizations and local hospitals sponsor a variety of patient support groups. Visit the Other Advocacy and Support Groups section on this website for a list of helpful resources.
Individual counseling can also help you sort through the many issues you are encountering and develop effective ways to sort through them. Many people facing cancer discover whole new dimensions of themselves when they get help to deal with the emotions and challenges that arise during the journey through cancer. A wide range of professional counselors—psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, and clergy and spiritual advisers—can support you throughout treatment and beyond. These professionals can help you seek out the additional support you need. You can get references for counseling professionals from other cancer patients, local support organizations, hospitals, or your own health care team. Being single need not mean facing cancer alone, and finding support may very likely turn out to be a source of meaningful and lasting friendships.